Does he play on feelings or overdo it with compliments? 13 types of toxic partners to run away from IMMEDIATELY
A toxic relationship can mean anything - but it can be fixed with hard work on both sides. But what does it mean if you enter a relationship with a toxic partner? Here are thirteen signs that should trigger red lights in you.
Partner relationships are characterized by different features - they are different from each other, unique, have their good and bad moments, their highs and lows, but if the partners love each other and know how to work together, communicate and get along, value each other and respect each other, everything can be managed and the relationship will survive literally ages.
In short, the partners work as a team. But when the relationship turns toxic and destroys one or the other, or both partners, it is good to back out of it, leave it, end it.
If unhappiness is the norm and you have ceased to exist
However, some relationships can be toxic from the beginning - due to certain characteristics on the part of the partner. They need to be fully realized, defined and removed or they will destroy you - both your self-confidence, self-esteem and confidence, as well as your energy, emotional and physical health.
A toxic relationship is a relationship without respect, compassion, concern for the other, with too much control and mistrust, insecurity, dominance and power of one over the other, it simply ceases to be a safe place.
If emotions such as anger, annoyance, sadness, dissatisfaction, unhappiness have become the norm for you too, if you increasingly avoid each other, if your career and other relationships begin to suffer because of your relationship, if you stop paying attention to yourself and your needs, or you're afraid to even say them, if all the love, compromise, and energy is flowing from one side only - and if you stop using the word NO - something is wrong.
Now we will go through 13 signs-types of toxic partners, for which we advise you to listen, pay attention and take action. At worst, run away.
1. Partner "your decision-your fault"
It's wonderful when your partner supports your decisions, or gives you a choice, which increases your self-confidence, isn't it? But what if it's just a hidden allusion to your incompetence? The trap you fall into and it looks something like this:
"You chose this restaurant, this food. It's disgusting, pathetic, the service is disastrous."
You ruined our whole evening. It's your fault. A toxic partner lets you make decisions just so he can blame you for the decisions and their consequences. He shows disappointment, anger, annoyance and you feel the worst in the world. It's a blow to self-esteem.
Subsequently, any reason for accusation will be sufficient for him. The worst part is that the partner appears to everyone to be wonderful, loving, supportive and trusting. He shows guilt and anger only in private.
2. Partner playing on feelings
You will find similar manipulation in this case: the partner supports your decision, although he is not identified with it. Instead of talking about it openly with you, he lets you go on parental leave to work, but then plays on your feelings:
"The kids can't do it without you at home. They are so troubled, we all miss you so much. But you made your own decision... After all, we will sacrifice everything for your work, including our happiness..."
3. A partner who wants to pay for love
Psychologists call this type of partner "the one who uses". This is a partner who appears to be kind, gentle, tender. However, his kind words always have a hidden goal: personal gain. He expects a reward for his behavior:
"I brought you flowers because I'm sure you'll cook me the best dinner under the sun."
You are the most amazing woman because you do everything he asks of you exactly as he asks. His face is a perfect mask that will only fall if you stand up to him and oppose him. That's when he reveals his true face. And we're not sure if you want to see her.
4. Passive aggressive partner
If your partner wants to control you, but not directly, he will choose passive aggression - and you don't want to experience that. "Of course, you can go out with your friends, I'll be fine, I'll stay home all alone, don't worry, just go out and have fun, because I don't care that much anyway..." "I'll sacrifice myself and help you, too when I'm feeling bad, whatever, your work is more important than my health", "I'll somehow survive without you" and the like.
He is a great manipulator, using such communication tricks. Even if it doesn't look like he's demanding it be his, eventually you will. Otherwise, you would feel a strong sense of guilt, as if you were doing something wrong and you were the bad one.
5. A partner with exaggerated statements and compliments
Each of us wants to hear nice, sweet statements from our partner. It is romantic to know that you are the only one for him, the right one, that he shows you passion, gives you compliments. But it depends on the way in which they are created and constructed: behind some there is manipulation, self-discounting, hidden intentions: "I only need you." "If you leave me, you will be alone forever." "No one will love you like I do. I am your destiny." Do you feel the narrowness behind them?
6. A partner with illusions and eternal love
Similar to the aforementioned, this also applies to partners, who already say on the first date that you are the one and only for them, you are love that lasts forever, you are the meaning of their life, amen. Yes, it works in movies and books, and who wouldn't want such a rich romance?
But these are typical statements of narcissists - they don't see your faults and flaws, weaknesses and fears, and maybe they don't even want to see them. But then they know you - and do they want to know you? Will you suit them just the way you are - as a whole package or just something they want to see?
Such a partner will create an illusion about you and woe betide you if you refuse to fulfill it. He will start to express disappointment, frustration, anger, act cold, aggressive and may want to change you. Long-lasting love, on the other hand, needs mutual communication, acceptance, trust and reliability, work on yourself, and that takes time.
7. Dependent partner who won't let you breathe
"We'll only do as you wish." "I only want what you want." A partner who adores you endlessly is wonderful, isn't it? But what if he adores you so much that he calls you a hundred times a day, wants to know where you are, what you are doing, when you will come, he is already waiting for you, he already has dinner ready, don't stay long - or I'd rather go with you, if you don't hear from me, I have o I'm scared of you, I'm calling the police...
This is a partner who forgets his needs, or adapts them to yours, until finally denying himself. He wants to adapt to you so much that you stop seeing him for who he is - he wants to be who you want him to be. This partner is capable, if you try to separate your self from his self - lamenting how bad he is, how you hurt him, don't like him, want to break up, make him unhappy - to create strong feelings of guilt.
8. An anxiously jealous partner
According to psychologists, there are two types of jealousy: reactive jealousy is a reaction to a partner's actions, such as flirting with a strange woman, writing letters, cheating. However, suspicious jealousy does not need proof - it is not based on facts, only hypotheses, suspicions that the person himself creates. Are you calling with a colleague from work? Mom?
Your partner is angry because they believe you are cheating on them. This action is related to low self-confidence, self-esteem, your partner constantly demands proof from you that he is the only one for you, and even if you prove your love to him, it will be enough for a moment and the fire on the roof can flare up again.
Beware, he is able to constantly control you, hack into your computer, social networks and take control to the extreme - isolate you from friends and family, just let him have you for himself, let him own you.
9. Suspiciously independent partner
If your partner constantly proclaims that he doesn't need anyone and can take care of himself, no one will ever check him out - not even you, he is an independent partner who refuses to be tied down.
He refuses to confess to you - when he will go away, when he will come back, what he will do, with whom, h ow - it makes him happy when you are not sure about him - why wouldn't he, when he controls and controls you so much? This is a problem because such a partner makes it impossible for you to live your life, make plans and decisions, as he can ruin them with a wave of his hand - he promises to take you to the cinema, but does not show up. He promises to take care of the pet, the bills, the vacation...
In the end, everything will come out. It is impossible to feel safe in this relationship. And if it concerns important life decisions - the partner is able to make them without you. After all, it doesn't matter that much to you. And so, in the end, only he has the main say in your life.
10. A partner who does not respect boundaries
If a partner wants to shout his love to the world, that's fine. But if because of his satisfaction and satisfaction with how he is doing great, you suffer because he violates your boundaries, which he doesn't care about - then it's about him, not about you. Such a partner does not respect what you demand/need from him - as if you are just an ornament in his life that can be put away and taken out as needed.
He doesn't care about your opinion, your comfort, he makes fun of what you believe in, makes fun of you and finally just says "don't you get the joke?" A partner who doesn't respect you is finally able to tell you one day "what would you she did without me", "you are happy to have me", or "you will definitely not find a better one".
11. Mysterious partner - or vengeful?
If on a date the partner starts talking disrespectfully and dishonorably about his ex-partner and adds "you're not like that" or hides the essence of the breakup, the first red light should flash on you.
Not being honest and open about the past is indicative of something - it doesn't necessarily have to be a painful event that you never want to remember. There may be something hidden there that you may not like - revenge that will one day turn against you. It can be a person who sees the fault of others behind their problems - and you can also belong there one day.
12. Partner with ultimatums
Dangerous ultimatums can also be part of controlling the relationship, your partner, your activity, behavior, and life in general. If your relationship is filled with them, it's a sign that your partner doesn't want to allow you anything - he wants to be a dominant man, an authority figure, and you want to be an obedient woman.
It often happens that such partners easily slip to a third party, i.e. lovers, and cheat. Still, she keeps her "it's them or me!", "do you choose to go out with your friends over snuggling here with me? Are you this grateful for our amazing relationship?
Is that how you respect me?" or "I know you're sick and in bed, but I really need help. Don't worry, next time you can take the whole day..." or even "yes, I understand that you feel bad, but you don't know what it is to be bad - I know very well what it is to be even worse".
13. Violent partner
No matter how manipulative and controlling your partner wants to be, his dominance means that the balance of power between you is tipped in his favor. There is often violence in such relationships - physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, verbal... It's about obeying. We recommend running away from such relationships as far as possible.
Is it really so bad that the relationship needs to be ended?
Of course not. You don't have to end any relationship as long as there is a glimmer of hope in it. But hope must mean the willingness of both parties to work hard on each other, improve communication, take into account each other's thoughts, feelings, needs and learn respect. This must come not only from you, but also from your partner.
Don't expect him to change - just like he can't ask you to be an obedient little girl. However, his behavior must change. Psychologists say that the best moment when a relationship can be changed is when you are ready to leave it - the partner believes that the relationship is falling apart and is willing to do something for it.
Insist that anyone - in the case of a toxic relationship, your partner - always treats you with respect and dignity. He invited you to make important decisions, in which you will express your opinion and have a voice as valid as his. Stay calm and set your boundaries - and repeat the requests over and over.
Don't discount them, and definitely don't push the boundaries, especially when it comes to your physical and emotional health. If it doesn't work, the only solution is to break off or limit contact (if children are involved). Many times, red lights come on for us long before something important happens - we just forget to notice them, we prefer to ignore them and stop listening to our intuition.
Don't forget that experts can also help in many ways - and if it still doesn't work out - you always have the option to end the relationship. Because you matter.
It's no secret that women are attracted to "bad men" and we could definitely include incorrigible womanizers in this group.